- Writers: David Crane, Marta Kauffman
- Stars: Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc
Joey and Rachel compete over who has the best news. Rachel was promoted by Ralph Lauren, in person, to head a division and subsequently can hire a personal assistant. Although Hilda has all relevant qualifications and plenty of experience, Rachel she still chooses young Tag Johnson, who the girls and Chandler consider beautiful enough to be a model. Tag is greatly surprised that his clumsy interview didn't lose him the job, but gets increasingly suspicious as it seems people believe he gay, a lie spread by Rachel so she can keep him for herself. However he is more interested in Phoebe. Nobody had the heart to tell Joey a pilot he made stunk, so he was overconfident about his lead in Mack and CHEESE, and told director Terry he could stuff a comeback role on Days of Our Lives, especially if Alas, the producers phone to say the sci-if series is canceled, so Joey must beg Terry to take him on board. Meanwhile, Monica tricks Chandler into telling her an embarrassing 'Ross at Disneyland' anecdote. Ross finds out and retorts, starting a series of spilled secrets the three use against each-other.